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There was a time (back "before") when my daughter split her days between two homes—mine and her dad’s. Half the nights, half the spare time. A rhythm we had built, a balance we had found. But when I got locked up, that balance shattered. She was the one who suffered. Too young to understand and then handling a crisis time with COVID.
By the time I came home in 2022, I was devastated when she chose to stay away form me and never return. No longer would I fall asleep, peaceful because my daughter was safe under my roof. Instead I spent countless nights worrying about where she was, what she was doing, what she was eating. All I could do was pray.
At first, I told myself it was temporary. That she just needed time. But days turned to weeks, weeks to months. She spent one night at my house—only because a friend could stay. Otherwise, she was more comfortable in her father’s home.
I can’t describe what that did to my heart.
I would come home after visiting her - so defeated. Every single day, I carried the weight of rejection like a stone in my chest. I prayed. I fasted. I worked as much as I could, pouring myself into everything just to keep moving forward. But inside, I was just so sad.
The pain wasn’t just in losing time with her—it was in losing the chance to fix it. Every instinct in me wanted to pull her back, to explain, to repair what felt broken between us, to shake her and make her listen. Instead, I had to let go and show up in the ways I still could.
So, I did what I could.
- I was there for every doctor’s appointment, because I still knew her needs better than anyone.
- I was there for haircuts.
- I volunteered at her school, not just to help, but to be in her world—even if she didn’t ask me to be.
- I stayed close, even when she kept her distance.
This has been a very long season. The healing is still day to day. Its a time where I lost everything. and ended up finding my faith. The person who is now my husband and I almost fell apart under the pressure of it all. I was desperate to fix everything at once, but all I could do was keep praying and keep showing up.
And now, I can look back and see the foundation of what I laid while we were going through it.
It doesn't happen overnight, and the relationship still has a long way to go.. But love is not about winning someone back—it’s about never leaving in the first place. I couldn’t make her choose me, but I could make sure she always knew I was there.
If you’re in a season of holding on while letting go, I see you. It’s exhausting, but it’s not wasted. Every act of love, even unseen, still matters. Keep praying. Keep showing up. Love is never lost.
📖 “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.” – Psalm 31:2
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